man walks into toystore to get daughter a gift for her birthday.

-how much are those barbie dolls in your window?

- which one do you mean?
we have:
workout barbie for £ 9,99
shopping barbie for £ 9,99
beach barbie for £ 9,99
disco barbie for £ 9,99
ballerina barbie for £ 9,99
skater barbie for £ 9,99
and we have
divorced barbie for £ 199,99

- oh, well, hmmmm, but why's divorced barbie so much more expensive???

- well, in the divorced barbie kit you also get kens car, kens house, kens furniture, kens yacht, kens computer, one of kens male friends and a cute little key ring with kens balls attached.

...STOP - you're killing me!!

here's a pretty wicked one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Enjoy the Holidays!

Sincerely,

The Management

Security alert - Police and Airport Security have been told of a new Extremist group who've developed the 'Alphabet Bomb'

...it's been reported that if it went off it could spell disaster

Airporty Security will not get that one Noddy you will have to explain it in more detail for them, they still looking